At the tender age of 6, I found myself having the hugest crush on a girl in my class. Of course, this was before I knew what a crush was or that I could even be attracted to someone of the same sex. I found out very quickly that she also had a crush on me because one day as I was coming out of the stall in the girl's restroom, she was waiting on me. She grabbed my hand, told me she liked me and gave me the cutest kiss on the cheek before running out of the bathroom. I was overwhelmed both with joy and complete confusion. No one had ever explained what liking someone meant, yet alone liking someone who was a girl just like me. We found ourselves hiding behind the bookshelves or jungle gyms, giving each other pecks on the cheek or lips during recess as we played "House." It didn't stop there because the very next year she moved away and I began dating the the most popular boy in the class. I was pretty hot catch if I do say so myself!

As I got older, it was pretty clear that while relationships (with boys) were okay, no one seemed to know exactly what being in love meant or how to properly convey it. The relationships around me never lasted or were volatile. Sex seemed to be this bundle of uncertainty, bewilderment, and perplexity that no one was comfortable talking about. Sex education was a huge fail in school and most parents preached abstinence instead of safe sex. My family was very odd because while we primarily consisted of dominant women, there was still this sense of embedded patriarchy and hegemony. On one hand I was being raised to be this strong, assertive, intelligent black woman but on the other hand, I consistently witnessed the women in my family be abused, mistreated, and neglected by their partners even when they complied with normative gender roles. It was disheartening.

Then came adulthood. As you can imagine, when I became an adult all of these mixed messages I was given or observed influenced what I thought real love truly was and how to effectively get and maintain a healthy relationship. I went through many relationships, giving more than I was receiving, pleading with my lovers to see me as more than sex and unfortunately, enduring emotional, mental, and verbal abuse. In college I started studying Psychology and Sociology. I began to understand the human mind and how we as intellectual beings, behave, think, and respond...all while trying to navigate my own relationships. Each time I had the opportunity to study sexuality, relationships, personality or anything related to being human, I did it. Most, if not all of my undergraduate projects / essays focused on some facet of human interaction and sexuality.

After graduation, I was blessed with the opportunity to attend graduate school for clinical mental health counseling. Graduate school was where I began narrowing down my niche and focusing on human sexuality. My projects and essays were even more in depth as I did more research and better understood what it is I wanted to do. I did all of this while working directly in the realm of public mental health. It was very obvious that anything related to sex, love and relationships was minimally focused on. There was rarely anyone confident and comfortable enough to speak with clients about specific tools they could use to improve their intimate relationships and their sexual self-esteem. Knowledge of tools and techniques for sexuality based concerns was even more scarce. In fact, I noticed that the more taboo the subject, the less knowledge our helping professionals had to help with these sensitive and personal topics. At that point, my calling was solidified and began my journey towards state licensure and sex therapy certification. Now here we are!